Demon Spider of Tres Amigos

I’m sure plenty of people are interested to know how construction is moving forward on the Dolphin, but a break must be taken to discuss the Demon Spider of Tres Amigos. As the deconstruction of mangled parts on our rig continued, I found myself crawling on the ground under the Dolphin. When my eyes looked mere feet ahead, they settled upon something too grotesque for my mind to fully conceive.

After rotating from back to stomach, my vision came around and I was able to understand I was gazing upon the giant carcass of a dead spider. Realizing such a creature had once lived under our Dolphin, a chill ran down my spine. Going back to my childhood, I’d always been particularly terrified by critters of the eight legged variety, but this was something I’d grown out of with age. Now, a simple household spider could easily be ignored, swatted or moved. Looking at this spider, that had easily spanned six inches, some fears crept back. Even dead, I wasn’t about to get closer than necessary.

I resumed the task at hand, gave the water tank a big tug to break it free, and BAM! The assumed dead monster took to sprinting!

“Goddamnit!Sonofa$#@!% &#@*%#!!!”

Suddenly the only vocabulary I knew was what I’d learned working on tugboats and in mechanic shops. How I got out from under the car with that kind of speed, I can’t tell you. With my newfound safety in open air, I crouched down at a strategic distance to get a look at my unwanted visitor. There he was tucked up against the frame of the car, staring at me with six inches of mass, and a dozen eyes of evil. I stared him down, he stared back. I stared a little longer….he continued to stare back. I was in a full-blown Mexican standoff with what I had to assume was a Mexican spider.

“Jacquuiii! Bring me the fire extinguisher!”

Damned if I was going to crawl under there for full blown hand-to-hand combat. I was busting out the heavy artillery. With careful aim and a quick squeeze, he was blasted out of the car and, from the corner of my eye, appeared to sprint away on the gravel. Mission accomplished! I resumed duties as before. A few minutes passed and I found myself working on the opposite side of the vehicle. I ripped out an old hunk of wood around the right wheel well when...

“Jesus@#$%% (%@#$.”

There he was again!

“Jacquuuiii!!! Shovel! It’s him again! If I look away he might move!”

During our first battle Jacqui hadn’t been able to get a proper look at the monster, but as she came around the car her eyes fixed on him as he stretched out to show his full size and fury. She gasped. Never removing my eyes from my new arch nemesis, I felt the shovel’s handle touch my fingertips. I grasped it, aimed, and fired my attack. MISS!!

He darted into a corner and disappeared.

“Where’d he go? Where’d he go?!” Jacqui blurted in fear.

But there was nothing to be done. He was a master of shadows, and wouldn’t be discovered against his will. We resumed work with little conversation and a cautious alertness, always scanning our surroundings with each step. Knowing that the evil villain was detained to the outside of the vehicle, Jacqui opted for interior work, while I resumed my exterior duties.

Suddenly I heard a scream from within the Dolphin! The ninja demon spider had gotten in and was above the bed, half concealed by the curtains. Jacqui grabbed the camera and attempted for a photo, but like all photographs of mystical evil creatures, it was impossible to get him in any kind of focus. As he crawled behind the curtain his sheer size allowed you to hear his footsteps. At this point, my nerves were shot and our friend John had to take over. Armed with a can of WD-40 he sprayed the beast and it took to sprinting towards me. For the second time since arriving at Tres Amigos, I let out my warrior cry, then leapt from the vehicle. Seconds later John emerged, victorious, the WD-40 in one hand, and a paper towel in the other, the legs of the spider hanging from the towel menacingly.

Like the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot, no clear photo can ever be taken of this creature.

At last we were safe from the beast beneath the Dolphin. We talked with John for a while and he informed us he’d never seen a spider like that in the six years he’d been coming to Tres Amigos. He speculated that it must have traveled with us. We went to bed that night in our temporary RV doing our best to research exactly what kind of spider it was. To no avail, whatever he was, it was beyond us to find out. As we lay in bed the hour grew late and suddenly I heard.


I looked at Jacqui and saw her eyes fixated on the ceiling. My eyes followed her line of sight and right there, right above us, he was there! The same spider no one had ever seen before in Tres Amigos! The same spider we’d killed! We fled the bed and armed ourselves how we could. The spider took to sprinting; you could hear his footsteps scurrying across the ceiling. My back lost its rigidity and took to doing that noodley wiggle that only comes out when you’re completely disgusted by the thing in front of you. This time there was no one to help us. Jacqui armed with household spray cleaners like a gunslinger, me with a Swiffer discovered in a closet. The Demon Spider was killed again.

An entire day and night passed in peace. Our nerves calmed, we were finally safe. The daily Dolphin duties continued with great progress and, on the second day, it was finally time to go to Home Depot. Yes…there is a Home Depot in Mexico.

Jacqui was already inside our temporary RV when I stepped in. As I approached the bedroom at the rear, I saw Jacqui had her legs in a warrior’s stance, clutching a bottle of cleaner in one hand and a Swiffer in the other. The spider was back! Again! As in again, again!

Upon my arriving, while taking no pleasure in it, the Swiffer was handed to me. I pulled back the desk where he was hiding, and heard his footsteps as he ran out. All at once I was in the air, I’d leapt, though I never felt it happen. With a giant thrust the spider was smashed between the wall and the Swiffer, which, as it turns out, is an excellent Demon Spider hunting tool. For the third time, ‘the never before seen’ massive spider of Tres Amigos had appeared, and for the third time, he’d been slain.

It’s been days since the Demon Spider of Tres Amigos has been seen, but tension around our RV’s is still felt. So hopefully….there’s no ‘to be continued’ in this story.

By the way, Dolphin construction is coming along nicely. Here are some pictures!  

Cutting the new wheel well

Filthy Jacqui

Old and new coming together

Waterproofing the new floor

Cut, waterproofed and lined with two layers of plastic, the floor goes in.

Lookin' good!